Friday, August 31, 2007

Et tu, Brutus?

Actor playing Brutus stabs himself
Julius Caesar lay dead and Brutus was talking to his co-conspirators about swords and blood when he paused and excused himself, saying "I seem to have stabbed myself."

Aspen actor/director Kent Hudson Reed accidently cut his leg open with the knife he was using in an outdoor performance of "Scenes from Shakespeare's Julius Caesar" on Wednesday.

He tried to carry on, "but my boot was filling up with blood and I was flubbing my lines, wondering if I was going to pass out, wondering if the audience could see the blood."

...Reed said actors normally don't use real knives, but the scene was set up so none of the performers were close enough to hurt each other.

"But I hadn't thought an actor might stab himself," he said.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Too good not to share

Last night on Jay Leno according to US News & World Report's Political Bulletin:

"Speaking at a forum organized by Lance Armstrong on cancer research, Hillary Clinton told Chris Matthews if she is elected president, she will declare war on cancer, and then she will support the war on cancer for two years, and then she will be against it for a year, and then she will back out of it altogether."

Friday, August 24, 2007

When animals attack, Part 928

Pet Camel Kills Australian Woman

An Australian woman was killed by a pet camel given to her as a 60th birthday present, police said Sunday.

...The 10-month-old male - weighing about 330 pounds - had knocked her to the ground then lay on top of her in what police suspect was mating behavior, Gregory said.

...The woman was given the hand-reared camel in March as a birthday present from her husband and daughter.

The fate of the camel is not known.

What a way to go!

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Update on Pant-less judge

US judge presses $74 million suit over pants
A US judge has appealed his $US54 ($NZ73.92) million lawsuit against the dry-cleaning shop that misplaced his trousers, shrugging off legal setbacks and international ridicule.

...A sympathetic public donated enough money to pay the Chung's legal fees, estimated at around $US85,000.

Pearson, meanwhile, could lose his job as an administrative judge for the District of Columbia, where he hears disputes involving the decisions of city government agencies.

The city has warned Pearson it might not reappoint him when his job comes up for review next month, according to The Washington Post.

Good! This guy should lose his job! We don't need any more judges like him!

Earlier Article

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Jose tries to Off-a-man

Offerman Charged for Bat Assault

Bridgeport, Conn. (AP) - Former major league All-Star Jose Offerman was charged with two counts of second-degree assault after hitting an opposing team's pitcher and catcher with his bat during an independent minor league game.

...Offerman, playing for the Long Island Ducks in the Atlantic League, homered in the first inning Tuesday night. The next inning, he was hit by a pitch from Bridgeport Bluefish starter Matt Beech and charged the mound with his bat.

Catcher John Nathans was hit in the head and sustained a concussion. He tried to keep playing, but left the game with nausea and collapsed in the dugout, team spokesman Nick Razzette said.

...Bluefish chief executive officer Mary-Jane Foster said she asked the Atlantic League to suspend Offerman from the league for life.


Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Lance Armstrong, eat your heart out!

You think biking with one ball is something, try one leg:

Biker fails to notice missing leg

TOKYO (Reuters) - A Japanese biker failed to notice his leg had been severed below the knee when he hit a safety barrier, and rode on for more than a mile, leaving a friend to pick up the missing limb.

The 54-year-old office worker was out on his motorcycle with a group of friends in the city of Hamamatsu, west of Tokyo, on Monday, when he was unable to negotiate a curve in the road and bumped into the central barrier, the Mainichi Shimbun said.

He felt excruciating pain, but did not notice that his right leg was missing until he stopped at the next junction, the paper quoted local police as saying.

The man and his leg were taken to a hospital, but the limb had been crushed in the collision, the paper said.

How do you not notice that when you are riding a BIKE?! Don't you need feet to ride a bike?!

Sunday, August 12, 2007

The party of special interests

Appearing Now on a TV Near You? Surely a Presidential Debate
This campaign has turned into a mind-numbing blur of 90- and 120-minute debates and forums that has consumed the Democratic candidates in particular. They are trudging from coast to coast at the beck and call of television networks, unions, state political parties and whoever else may want to throw them together on stage in front of a television camera and a blinking red and green light.

In this Summer of Debates, Democrats appeared before bloggers in Chicago last Saturday, union members in Chicago on Tuesday and gay leaders in Los Angeles on Thursday. The Republicans, with fewer organized interest groups and thus fewer such demands, debated here in Des Moines last Sunday morning.

...And there are risks — particularly for the Democrats, summoned to appear before, and appease, groups pressing them to stake out early positions on the left over gay rights, health care, the empowering of labor unions and the war in Iraq. At the labor debate in Chicago on Tuesday, the candidates seemed at times to be competing with one another in offering promises that might satisfy union members: raising the minimum wage, supporting expanded health benefits, opposing trade deals with China.

(There is less of a problem for Republicans, as a number of Democratic campaign aides said in the course of grousing interviews. When, asked one, was the last time the National Rifle Association commanded Republican presidential candidates to appear in a nationally televised debate on Second Amendment issues?)

Saturday, August 11, 2007

You know how I know you're gay? You listen to Coldplay

Coldplay Singer Gets Coldcocked

Cops nab Seattle woman after bizarre karaoke bar meltdown

AUGUST 10--A Washington man's karaoke performance of a Coldplay song apparently triggered a female bar patron to attack him early yesterday at a Seattle bar.

...When the assault victim launched into Coldplay's "Yellow," Lawrence allegedly told the man that his "singing sucked" and that the song "fucking sucked." She then grabbed at the man's microphone and "pushed him and punched him in order to get him to stop singing," cops reported.

...It is unclear why Coldplay's music apparently made Lawrence snap, though a famous June 2005 New York Times appraisal by Jon Pareles may offer an insight. The critic called the British group "the most insufferable band of the decade," adding that, "the lyrics can make me wish I didn't understand English."

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Cracking down - finally!

U.S. Readies Tough Rules on Employers of Immigrants

In a new effort to crack down on illegal immigrants, federal authorities are expected to announce tough rules this week that would require employers to fire workers who use false Social Security numbers.

Officials said the rules would be backed up by stepped-up raids on workplaces across the country that employ illegal immigrants.

After first proposing the rules last year, Department of Homeland Security officials said they held off finishing them to await the outcome of the debate in Congress over a sweeping immigration bill. That measure, which was supported by President Bush, died in the Senate in June.

Now Bush administration officials are signaling that they intend to clamp down on employers of illegal immigrants even without a new immigration law. The approach is expected to play well with conservatives who have long demanded a tougher stance on illegal immigration, but could also spur a renewed legislative effort to provide legal status for the estimated six million or so unauthorized immigrants in the work force.

“We are tough and we are going to be even tougher,” said Russ Knocke, the spokesman for the Department of Homeland Security. “There are not going to be any more excuses for employers, and there will be serious consequences for those that choose to blatantly disregard the law.”

Experts said the new rules represented a major tightening of the immigration enforcement system, in which employers for decades have paid little attention to notices, known as no-match letters, from the Social Security Administration that workers’ names and numbers did not match the agency’s records.

Wait, you mean they're going to start enforcing laws already on the books? What's taken them so damn long?!?!

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

This sh*t is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S

Chicken and rice ends thief's toilet trauma

KOLKATA, India (Reuters) - Dozens of bananas failed to do the trick but an Indian thief has finally produced a gold necklace he had snatched and then swallowed after police fed him a hearty meal of chicken, rice and local bread.

Sheikh Mohsin, 35, grabbed the 45,000-rupee ($1,115) necklace from a woman in the eastern city of Kolkata Friday and popped it into his mouth when cornered by police.

Officers then fed him 40 bananas over a few hours believing they would act as a purgative, and sat back and waited for results.

Mohsin passed an uncomfortable night in jail, but not the piece of jewelry.

Police said Sunday he was then given more substantial fare.

"Now he wants to go free and doesn't want to even hear about bananas any more," senior officer Gyanwant Singh told Reuters.

A tired and rueful Mohsin was, however, staring at 3 years in jail if convicted, Singh added.

"Bananas were good enough for another thief who had swallowed an ornament a few months ago, but Mohsin was definitely a tough cookie," said one clearly impressed police constable.

I love how descriptive this "news" article is!

Bitch, please!

It’s a Female Dog, or Worse. Or Endearing. And Illegal?

The New York City Council, which drew national headlines when it passed a symbolic citywide ban earlier this year on the use of the so-called n-word, has turned its linguistic (and legislative) lance toward a different slur: bitch.

The term is hateful and deeply sexist, said Councilwoman Darlene Mealy of Brooklyn, who has introduced a measure against the word, saying it creates “a paradigm of shame and indignity” for all women.

...And Ms. Mealy admitted that the city’s political ruling class can be guilty of its use. As she circulated her proposal, she said, “even council members are saying that they use it to their wives.”

...“Half my conversation would be gone,” said Michael Musto, the Village Voice columnist, whom a reporter encountered on his bicycle on Sunday night on the corner of Seventh Avenue South and Christopher Street.

...Darris James, 31, an architect from Brooklyn who was outside the Duplex, a piano bar in the West Village, on Sunday night was similarly opposed. “Hell, if I can’t say bitch, I wouldn’t be able to call half my friends.”

...Back at the West Village piano bar on Sunday evening, Poppi Kramer had just finished up her cabaret set. She scoffed at the proposal. “I’m a stand-up comic. You may as well just say to me, don’t even use the word ‘the.’ ”

...“We’d be grandfathered in, I would think,” said David Frei, who has been a host of the Westminster Kennel Club dog show in New York since 1990. The word is a formal canine label that appears on the competition’s official materials. But Mr. Frei said he worried about the word’s impact on some viewers, especially younger ones.

What does it say about these people that they call their wives "bitch" and would lose half their vocabulary if they couldn't use the word?!

Saturday, August 04, 2007

ChiCom government likes to play God

China tells living Buddhas to obtain permission before they reincarnate

Tibet’s living Buddhas have been banned from reincarnation without permission from China’s atheist leaders. The ban is included in new rules intended to assert Beijing’s authority over Tibet’s restive and deeply Buddhist people.

“The so-called reincarnated living Buddha without government approval is illegal and invalid,” according to the order, which comes into effect on September 1.

The 14-part regulation issued by the State Administration for Religious Affairs is aimed at limiting the influence of Tibet’s exiled god-king, the Dalai Lama, and at preventing the re-incarnation of the 72-year-old monk without approval from Beijing.

It is the latest in a series of measures by the Communist authorities to tighten their grip over Tibet. Reincarnate lamas, known as tulkus, often lead religious communities and oversee the training of monks, giving them enormous influence over religious life in the Himalayan region. Anyone outside China is banned from taking part in the process of seeking and recognising a living Buddha, effectively excluding the Dalai Lama, who traditionally can play an important role in giving recognition to candidate reincarnates.

And I suppose Jesus will have to gain approval for His Second Coming from the Chinese as well?


Et tu, Jack?

In the words of Jack Bauer: "DAMMIT!!!"

Jack Bauer's Next Mission: Fighting Global Warming

...One of the latest initiatives: Cool Change, Fox's company-wide program to reduce the network's impact on global warming. As part of that effort, the seventh season of "24" will take steps to reduce and offset the carbon emissions from the show's production, with the goal of having the season finale be entirely carbon-neutral.

It may sound like a publicity stunt, but Fox spokesman Chris Anderson says the network isn't after bigger ratings. "We are publicizing '24's' commitment to climate change for two reasons and two reasons only: to inspire the public to take global warming seriously and hopefully to motivate other studios to make changes to their production practices as well," he says.

...The "24" page at now features energy conservation tips and a public service announcement about global warming featuring Kiefer Sutherland; more information will be posted when the show airs in January. Plus, climate change will be incorporated into the series' plot (which just might scare some viewers into taking action).

THIS, is their solution for improving upon last season's drudgery?!

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Stop the world, I want to get off!

Why we must close the net

POP legend Sir Elton John wants the internet CLOSED DOWN.

Never one to keep his opinions to himself, the Rocket Man has waded into cyberspace with all guns blazing.

He claims it is destroying good music, saying: “The internet has stopped people from going out and being with each other, creating stuff.

“Instead they sit at home and make their own records, which is sometimes OK but it doesn’t bode well for long-term artistic vision.

“It’s just a means to an end.

“We’re talking about things that are going to change the world and change the way people listen to music and that’s not going to happen with people blogging on the internet.

“I mean, get out there — communicate.

“Hopefully the next movement in music will tear down the internet.

“Let’s get out in the streets and march and protest instead of sitting at home and blogging.

“I do think it would be an incredible experiment to shut down the whole internet for five years and see what sort of art is produced over that span.

“There’s too much technology available.

“I’m sure, as far as music goes, it would be much more interesting than it is today.”

Multi-millionaire Elton, who turned 60 earlier this year, has admitted in the past that he is a bit behind the times. The Grammy award-winner was once quoted as saying: “I am the biggest technophobe of all time.

“I don’t have a mobile phone or an iPod or anything.

“I am such a Luddite when it comes to making music. All I can do is write at the piano.”

Ok, Sir Elton, whatever you say!