Friday, December 28, 2007

Return to Sender

Illegal immigrants "self deport" as woes mount

The couple are among a growing number of illegal immigrants across the United States who are starting to pack their bags and move on as a crackdown on undocumented immigrants widens and the U.S. economy slows, turning a traditional Christmas trek home into a one-way trip.

In the past year, U.S. immigration police have stepped up workplace sweeps across the country and teamed up with a growing number of local forces to train officers to enforce immigration laws.

Meanwhile, a bill seeking to offer many of the 12 million illegal immigrants a path to legal status was tossed by the U.S. Congress, spurring many state and local authorities to pass their own measures targeting illegal immigrants.

The toughening environment has been coupled with a turndown in the U.S. economy, which has tipped the balance toward self deportation for many illegal immigrants left struggling to find work.

Gee, who would have thought that attrition through enforcement would work? Oh, that's right, conservatives! TOLD YA SO!

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Tis the Season!

Racy 'Santa' cited for DUI

A beefy gent wearing a red Santa hat and purple G-string in Los Angeles this holiday season not only didn't pass for Santa but failed a Breathalyzer test, too.

Rick Carroll, 53, of Long Beach, Calif., who also sported a blond wig, black leg warmers and red, lace camisole, allegedly registered just over the legal blood-alcohol limit of .08 percent when officers tested him after he pulled up in front of Grauman's Chinese Theater Sunday night, the Los Angeles Times reported Tuesday.


Los Angeles County Sheriff's Deputy Chief Ken Garner said officers were "pretty sure this is not ... Santa Claus."

"There was no Mel Gibson treatment for him," Garner added, referring to the help the actor received from deputies after his drunken driving arrest last year. "He had to sober up and find his own reindeer."


Wednesday, December 19, 2007

I saw mommy groping Santa Claus

Update: Police say woman groped Santa

DANBURY -- A 33-year-old woman was charged with fourth-degree sexual assault Saturday after allegedly groping a man playing Santa Claus at the Danbury Fair mall.

...The mall Santa told police that Lamy touched him inappropriately while sitting on his lap.

"The security officer at the mall said Santa Claus has been sexually assaulted," Michael said.

...It isn't unusual for an adult to sit and pose with a picture with a mall Santa.

"I've had some very nice ladies sit on my lap," Connaghan said.

A harmless flirtation isn't out of the norm.

"Once in a while they'll say 'I hope Mrs. Claus isn't going to be upset.' You have to be discreet and kind and say 'Oh no, she'll be OK. You can sit here, but only for one photo.'"

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

The Wealthiest 1%

UPDATE 7/21/08: The Wealthiest 1% Again

Great article! All liberals in need of an economics lesson (wow, that's redundant!) should read it:

Every Democrat running for President wants to raise taxes on "the rich," but they will have to do something miraculous to outtax President Bush. Based on the latest available tax data, no Administration in modern history has done more to pry tax revenue from the wealthy.

Last week the Congressional Budget Office joined the IRS in releasing tax numbers for 2005, and part of the news is that the richest 1% paid about 39% of all income taxes that year. The richest 5% paid a tad less than 60%, and the richest 10% paid 70%. These tax shares are all up substantially since 1990, and
even somewhat since 2000. Meanwhile, Americans with an income below the median -- half of all households -- paid a mere 3% of all income taxes in 2005. ...

...In 1980, when the top income tax rate was 70%, the richest 1% paid only 19% of all income taxes; now, with a top rate of 35%, they pay more than double that share. ...

Monday, December 17, 2007

The girl that brings the knife to the food fight

Student Arrested After Cutting Food With Knife

An elementary student in Marion County was arrested Thursday after school officials found her cutting food during lunch with a knife that she brought from home, police said.

The 10-year-old girl, a student at Sunrise Elementary School in Ocala, was charged possession of a weapon on school property, which is a felony.

According to authorities, school employees spotted the girl cutting her food while she was eating lunch and took the steak knife from her.

They called the police and had a 10 year old girl arrested?! Seriously?! They couldn't just take it away from her and tell her not to bring it again?

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

The terrorists have won

Man Drinks Liter of Vodka at Airport Line

A man nearly died from alcohol poisoning after quaffing a liter (two pints) of vodka at an airport security check instead of handing it over to comply with new carry-on rules, police said Wednesday.

The incident occurred at the Nuremberg airport on Tuesday, where the 64-year-old man was switching planes on his way home to Dresden from a holiday in Egypt.

New airport rules prohibit passengers from carrying larger quantities of liquid onto planes, and he was told at a security check he would have to either throw out the bottle of vodka or pay a fee to have his carry-on bag checked as cargo.

Instead, he chugged the bottle down - and was quickly unable to stand or otherwise function, police said.

A doctor called to the scene determined he had possibly life-threatening alcohol poisoning, and he was sent to a Nuremberg clinic for treatment.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

That's What Christmas Means to Me, My Love

Christmas means spending time with family - poll

the stress and commercialism of the holiday season, what most Americans enjoy most about Christmas is spending time with family and friends, according to a new poll.

Two-thirds of people surveyed by Harris Interactive felt their loved ones were the most important aspect of Christmas, followed far behind by parties and presents.

This is the stupidest, most ridiculous poll I have ever heard of! What idiot didn't know what Christmas means to people and needed a poll to figure it out?! The assumption that we are all crass materialists, expected to value presents and parties over family is insulting!

This just shows what a perverted view of American life the media has! I bet they'd be shocked to find out that most people know Jesus is the 'reason for the season' and celebrate the religious aspect of CHRIST-mas. Unbelievable!

Monday, December 10, 2007

Dog fancy

$2 Million Hotel For Pets Offers Plasma TVs, Private Disco

POMPANO BEACH, Fla. -- A new $2 million high-end hotel for South Florida pets features plasma TV screens, world-class groomers and a special disco.

The 10,000-square foot hotel in Pompano Beach is exclusively for four-legged pets but the hotel offers an animal social hour that can be seen on a Web cam.

During a stay at the Chateau Poochie, dogs are pampered by world-class groomers and special treatment.

"It's a $2 million facility specifically for dogs and cats, designed by Stephen G Interiors," owner Michelle Soudry said.


Dog Day Care, Luxury Hotel & Spa, Grooming Salon, Wellness Center, Designer Boutique, Training, Bakery & Health Food Market, Pet Model Agency, Pooch Limo Service


Suites with Plasma TV and Web Cams, Filtered Water, Complete Air Exchange/ Air Filtration System, Day Care Rooms with Impact resistant rubber flooring, Massage & Snuggle Time, Evening Turn Down Service, Gourmet Holistic Meals, Client Pickup and Delivery and Much More!

Thursday, December 06, 2007

"I am McLovin!"

"What? One name? ONE NAME? Who are you? Seal?"
"This guy is either gonna think 'Here's another kid with a fake ID' or 'Here's McLovin, a 25 year-old Hawaiian organ donor'."

City seeks ban on ‘Superbad’ over bogus ‘McLovin’ ID

The city asked Wal-Mart Stores Inc. yesterday to stop selling packages of the "Superbad" DVD movie that contain a copy of a fake Hawaii driver's license featured in the comedy.

Officials said they have notified local authorities and even the U.S. Department of Homeland Security, fearing minors might use the plastic cards to buy alcohol or drive vehicles.

"It concerns us because it may encourage unlawful activities," said Honolulu Mayor Mufi Hannemann. "We love publicity and promotion but not this kind."

...Jeff Coelho, city director of the Department of Customer Services, said the card sold with the DVD could be modified with a printer to look like a real ID.

"You'd have something that is really close and similar to our official driver's license," he said. "But when you do that, you would be breaking the law."

Hat tip to Kate who says, "You know what else can be modified on a printer to look like a real ID? A REAL ID!!!"

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

"You have many treasures, gypsy. Who did you rob for this?"

Gypsy, who is this woman you have shrunk?

Gypsy Clans Feud Over Fortunetelling Biz

A dispute between two Gypsy clans over control of the fortunetelling trade in this Southern California city has spilled into court, offering a rare glimpse of an insular culture that has long settled scores according to its own Old World rules of honor.

The turf war in well-to-do Orange County has unfolded like a gangster movie, with allegations of death threats, a graveside scuffle, and nicknames like "White Bob" and "Black Bob" - details revealed in a police report and requests for restraining orders.

"The older Gypsies are pulling out their hair, not wanting the courts in our business because they'll find out too much about us," said Tom Merino, who is distantly related to one of the clans but has spurned his heritage. "Ignorance is the Gypsies' weapon against the outside world."

Real life gypsies? SWEET! I like how one of the gypsies' family names is "Stevens"

Tuesday, December 04, 2007


I have recently discovered the magic of and

Here are examples that made me laugh out loud:

3PM Office Decorum Can Be a Sticky Issue
Supervisor: Did you happen to locate that file while I was away this week?
Employee: No. I'm not comfortable rooting through your drawers. I feel like I am up to something.
Supervisor: Uhhh...

via Overheard in the Office, Dec 4, 2007

Give Him a Break. It's Kentucky.
Man walking through automatic doors: Wow, it's the store of the future. The doors open by themselves!

Louisville, Kentucky

via Overheard Everywhere, Dec 4, 2007

And I'm Sorry, Okay?
Conductor over loudspeaker: Diana, I have your clothes... Diana, the head conductor has your clothes.

MBTA Commuter Rail
Boston, Massachusetts

via Overheard Everywhere, Dec 1, 2007

Gay Passerby: Wait, Now I'm Offended.
Native American woman to lady dressed as Indian: I find your costume very offensive.
Lady dressed as Indian: No... But I'm part of the Village People [points to girls dressed as cop and construction worker].
Native American woman, after long pause: Oh, well, that's okay, then.

Calgary Stampede
Calgary, Alberta

via Overheard Everywhere, Nov 24, 2007

9AM It's Not Like I Read Anything That Crosses My Desk
Lady peon: I can't believe I wrote 'Happy Birthday' on that card.
Coworker: You did? Did anyone fix it?
Lady peon: They're always passing around cards! How am I supposed to know it's a sympathy card?! Then I go asking when we're going to have cake!

Federal Street
Boston, Massachusetts
via Overheard in the Office, Nov 22, 2007

2PM Allow Me to Demonstrate
Manager: What motivates you to do your best job possible?
Interviewee: Well, I don't do anything half-assed... Yeah, I like to put my whole ass into everything I do.

1158 Howard Street
San Francisco, California

via Overheard in the Office, Nov 22, 2007

You're Lucky We're Letting You Breathe Heavily
Little boy: I don't wanna walk any more.
Father: No talking when we're on vacation!

Michigan Avenue and East Hubbard
Chicago, Illinois

via Overheard Everywhere, Nov 21, 2007

That's a Judgment -- I Asked for Your Perception
Ironman contestant's wife at mile 10 of the run leg: Honey, how are you feeling?
Ironman contestant: This was a stupid idea!

Vineman Ironman triathlon
Santa Rosa, California

via Overheard Everywhere, Nov 19, 2007

Portrait of a Man Whose Wife No Longer Wants Him
Little girl, after fireworks: Was that magic, Daddy?
Father: There's no such thing as magic.

Magic Kingdom, Disney World

via Overheard Everywhere, Nov 18, 2007

Old Fart!

Pensioner with 'disgusting flatulence' banned from breaking wind in social club

After several complaints from members, father-of-three Maurice has been told he must leave the building when he needs to break wind.

The frail widower admits he has a problem but says he often cannot make it to the door in time because his explosive flatulence takes him by surprise.

He blames the outbursts on the potent cider he used to drink but claims his problem is much better since he switched to bitter.

...He said: "It's only a little bit of wind - it doesn't really hurt anyone. I sit by the door anyway and try to get out when I can.

"But sometimes it takes me by surprise and just pops out. I don't want to offend people but I am getting on a bit. ...

"But I was surprised to get the letter from the committee. I know I've got a reputation but I'm much better now.

"They can be a bit loud at times. If I've got time and know they are coming I pop into the porch inside the door.

"There is no smell at all since I gave up the cider and started on the Bass.

More Daily Mail babies

'I only loved one of my twins': The shocking confession from a depressed mother

"Mia calmed down a little, but Gracie did as she always did - arched her back and kicked her legs as if she was trying to get away from me.

"She looked possessed. The glint in her eyes said she hated me, that she wanted me to die. I was close to throwing myself off the balcony."

Sophie, then 21, was suffering from a severe form of post-natal depression (PND).

It was an illness with a heartbreaking and unusual twist: she had managed to bond with only one of her little girls and thought that the other tiny child hated her.

Great, now I have a new fear for when I get pregnant!

Monday, December 03, 2007

Modern art in a nutshell

To the untrained eye, they appear to be simple daubs that could have been created by a two year old. Which is precisely what they are.

But that didn't stop the supposed experts falling over themselves to acclaim them.

The toddler in question is Freddie Linsky, who has fooled the art world into buying and asking to exhibit his paintings.

Freddie's efforts, which include works using tomato ketchup composed while sitting on his high chair, were posted by his mother Estelle Lovatt on collector Charles Saatchi's online gallery.

..."He has progressed from ketchup to acrylics on paper or canvas. I wondered whether the art world would be encouraging or dismissive if I showed his work online.

"I thought people would figure it out. But a collector paid £20 for The Best Loved Elephant. He said he liked the flow and energy of the picture. ...

That's what modern art looks like to me - the finger paintings of a two year old - turns out I was right!